Can wigs and conflicts between siblings end?

Most siblings are fighting and competing with each other while they are children, but for some, this conflict never ends.

When Rosan was young, there were a lot of differences between her and her twin, three years younger than her,.

"They were always together as a team, so it was always two against one," says Rosan, now a 46 -year -old mother who lives in New Jersey, USA..

Rosan notes that part of this conflict is still existing until now, and sometimes she feels that nothing has changed since childhood days, and she adds: "We were very different, and it seemed as if we were living in two different worlds, and I think this is part of the problem of my childrenright Now".

Rosan has a 16 -year -old son and a 14 -year -old daughter, but they have not had a good relationship since they were in the kindergarten.

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"The quarrels are exhausting.For a long time, we were avoiding doing a lot of things together as a family because we do not want to hear that.We cannot sit at the dinner table for 10 minutes without a fight, each of them is concerned about the other, and each of them comments on the actions of the other, and each of them provokes the other..

As anyone knows almost a brother, the fight between siblings is very common."Children have a much lower capacity than adults to think about what bother them or avoid them, so they quarrel very much, as we all know," says Raymond Rad, co -founder of the New York City..

In many families, quarrels between siblings contribute to the formation of their personality, as it helps children learn how to deal with conflicts and makes them better in interacting with others.For some, quarrels and conflicts decrease in adulthood, and they become just something for scarcity and mockery in family parties.

Teenage taps, from the presentation of a dignity as a vehicle and prepared by Mays Baqi.

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But for others, these conflicts continue until adulthood, an opinion poll that included 2000 adults in the United Kingdom - has been completed and was completed as a promotional effort for the TV program "Saxchen", in which the siblings are trying to continuously outperform each other - that more than half of the respondents are whatThey still feel that they are competing with their brothers.

51 percent of these adults said that there is a permanent competitive relationship with their brothers, noting that they are competing for everything, starting with the ownership of the house to those who host family meetings.Some experts agree that these conflicts are already for long periods.

The competition between siblings may not seem surprising in childhood, but many - like Rosan - still feel this struggle, after a long period of their move from the same house they lived with with their brothers.So why does this competition continue, and can we overcome it?

"As human beings, we are directed towards comparison, and the brothers offer a natural point for comparison..They live in your home and grow up with you in general within a few years of your life on average.They live in the same environment and the same house, so they give us a good measure of comparison..

For example, it is easy for siblings to make a comparison between their academic or sporting success, or enter into an argument over who is the preferred child in the family, because siblings often have similar experiences (such as enrollment in the same schools).The less the age difference between siblings, the more intense competition between them.

This natural tendency to compare ourselves with others can be a major motivation for competition between siblings - in particular, says Rad, because we spend most of the time during childhood with our brothers, and therefore we know a lot about them.

These quarrels may look "natural" for siblings who practice the same hobbies.However, even siblings who do not compete in the same activities find other ways to compete among themselves.

Whiteheed says that some siblings are trying to distinguish themselves in an attempt to reduce competition - especially if they are close to their siblings.."This would reduce competition in theory, but the results of the research in this matter are mixed.".

This corresponds to the Rosan experience, which says the difference is the main driver of the conflict, whether in the case of her two brothers or her two children, the daughter of Rosan is a talented sport, while her son is talented academic.Rosan says that her daughter should work more effort to get good degrees, so the differences between them have become a fixed point of disagreement.

She added, "Many and many teachers, and even some family members have always commented on the intelligence of my son.I know it is a pressure point for my daughter..

It is also common for adolescence to increase intensity, as Rad says, as "parents, school or sports environments are created, expecting that everything represents competition.".

But even with the siblings enjoying more individual identities later in life, the differences can continue to raise competition and conflict - especially with the siblings who grew up in the same house, but they ended up completely differently from each other..Even as their paths are separated, Rad says, "This does not mean that they will not compete for things later in life.".

The other main motivation for competition between siblings is fairness, which is very important for children, says Whitheid, who adds: “Parents are likely to give privileges for younger children in a closer time than they give to older children..When one of the parents says to a 12 -year -old child that he cannot stay awake until ten in the evening, it is likely that this matter also applies to the ten -year -old, because parents do not want conflicts..

And when the younger child gets permission early from his older brother, "this can cause the older child to feel that the treatment is unfair," according to Whiteheed..

"When you look at people with conflicts, it seems that there is an implicit idea that we come from the same place and the same family, so it is fair that we are similar and equal..Problems arise when there is a feeling from a siblings that there is something fair in their lives.There is a perception that one of them is more beautiful, smarter and more successful, which gives the other child a feeling that genes have been distributed unevenly..

Rad adds that in adulthood, the issue of fairness between siblings applies to things such as professional success, the extent of people's happiness in their marriages, and more..

He says: "Contrary to what is happening with friends, you can say that they are completely different and came from different places, there is an idea that the siblings belong to the same background, so there must be something just about what they can achieve.".

However, some competition between adult brothers is not necessarily bad, as more than a quarter of the participants in an opinion poll conducted by the Wanbul Research Foundation said they are competing with their brothers and sisters for the professional goals.For 15 percent of the participants, competition has motivated them in their career.As for nearly two of every 10 adults, there is a strong belief that the competition between the brothers led them to achieve more in their lives.Therefore, some simple competition may be healthy and natural.

However, it is not Muslim to compete with all siblings among themselves for the rest of their lives.For many, conflicts fade when they reach adulthood.Experts agree that there is no one reason behind the disappearance of competition between siblings in some families and its continuation of others.

"The best predictor of your relationship with your siblings after reaching adulthood is your childhood, but there is also room for change," said Whitheed..

He says that the intensity of the competition can fade with increased spatial dimension and distance, so the siblings who end up living geographically, or who do not see some of them much, the conflict between them may decrease normally.

He says that the number of big transformations that the family is going through can affect the competitions between the siblings as well, adding: "We see the change about big events: a person gets married, lives with a child, or loses his parents.All of these things can help redirect relationships..When the siblings pass through those big moments that bring them together, this can help consolidate relationships.

Experts note that parents can help young children reduce natural competition between them, and to prevent them from later dangerous collision in life.

"Parents must set an example in the skills of solving social problems and skills.You can have a dispute in your home - this is healthy - but the ability to how to address this conflict without escalating it will help your children at a later time..